“Yizkor” means “Remember.” it’s not only the first world of the tefillah, it also represents the overall theme. In this tefillah, we ask Hashem to remember the neshamos of our relatives who have passed away.
When we say Yizkor, we renew and strengthen the connection between us and our loved ones, bringing merit to their neshamos and helping them rise to higher levels in Shamayim.
Yizkor is said by Ashenazim who lost a parent. Some say it for other relatives as well (such as grandparents or those who perished al kiddush Hashem) once they’re already saying it for a parent.
Yizkor is said on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeres, the last day of Pesach (Shvii shel Psach in Eretz Yisrael and Acharon shel Pesach everywhere else) and on Shavuos (first day in Eretz Yisrael, second day everywhere else).
Some do. Some don’t. Some stay in shul but don’t say the tefillah. This depends on your community’s minhag.
Biggest misconception ever! Little known fact: Yizkor can be said at home, without a minyan.
There are certain benefits to saying Yizkor in shul, though, which is why we make the effort to go. But in cases where getting to shul is difficult due to circumstances (e.g. lack of babysitting) or emotional challenges, it can be said at home, exactly as it is said in shul.
In the table of contents, Yizkor is usually listed as “Seder Hazkaros Neshamos” or something similar.
It’s said after kriyas haTorah, which is before Mussaf.
In some communities they say the father’s name, in others they say the mother’s name. Ask what your minhag is.
Some people say Yizkor for multiple family members and that takes a lot of time. If you’re saying it for one parent, it will take faster than saying it for two.
Don’t worry, you’re not missing anything or doing anything wrong. It’s actually a very short tefillah.
That said, you’re not alone in feeling confused — many people feel this way! That’s why we created this “Yizkor Tutorial,” which takes you through each section.
At licht bentching, the night before Yizkor is said, unless it’s Shabbos. Some also light in shul on Erev Yom Tov. Some also have a custom to light one candle for each person they’re saying Yizkor for, while others light one candle to include everyone they’re saying Yizkor for. Please check your minhag.
It’s important to remember that Yizkor brings up different emotions for different people. If you feel a little funny around Yizkor time, consider having a conversation with your family beforehand to let them know exactly what you need.
No, it is normal to be emotional about Yizkor and all opinions say it is not a problem.
No, it’s also normal not to be emotional during Yizkor. Everyone’s grief looks different at different times. Not getting emotional during Yizkor says nothing about your relationship with your parent.
While you’re working through the feelings left behind by a complicated relationship, a she’eilah should be asked about what to do regarding Yizkor. The same way it shouldn’t be your long-term plan to stay in a place of resentment, it shouldn’t be your long-term plan to forgo Yizkor.
The main reason given is to avoid ayin hara.
Never assume a child who is inside during Yizkor doesn’t belong there.
Keep it quiet outside. Those who are inside saying Yizkor are in another world and hearing a party outside disturbs their concentration and focus.
Offering to watch the children of those who are inside saying Yizkor is a big help and generally appreciated.
Because a person may not have fully perfected himself during his lifetime, Yizkor is a time when we can help the neshamah obtain the tikkun it needs, since the neshamah, without its body, can no longer perform mitzvos in this world.
The act of tzedakah, pledged by the living during Yizkor, is recorded in the zechus of the niftar. In this way, the neshamah receives the help it needs and we’re able to do an incredible act of chessed for our loved ones.
There’s no minimum that needs to be given. While some have the custom to give in multiples of 18 (chai), many do not. All agree that if a person has the means to give a larger sum, it’s certainly appropriate to do so.
Yes. A parent or guardian may gift a child with funds they can then use to fulfill their tzedakah pledge. Many believe it’s appropriate for the child to do the actual giving; however, if the child is shy or cannot give the funds for some other reason, it’s absolutely fine for the adult to do it on their behalf.
Most hold that at the time of saying Yizkor, one is simply pledging to give and the actual amount can be decided later. A minority view is that one needs to have a specific amount in mind, and if it’s a child saying Yizkor, they should know the amount prior to saying Yizkor.
Yes. One should give separately for each niftar mentioned during Yizkor.
Some have the custom to verbalize the full name of the person in whose memory the donation is being made as they give the money or to write the full name in the memo of the check or website.
It’s preferable to give the funds after saying Yizkor. But since fulfilling the pledge is very important, if one believes they’re likely to forget, they can give before Yom Tov.
One may give whenever, though it’s best to fulfill one’s Yizkor pledge as close to Yizkor as possible. It’s important to note that if the pledge is not fulfilled at all, it causes tzaar to the neshamah. For this reason, many have the custom to give Motzoei Yom Tov, so as not to forget.
No, maaser money may not be used for Yizkor purposes.
Yes.
There are mixed views on this, but even those who say there’s no connection to Yizkor speak of the benefit of tzedakah given in memory of the niftar at any time.
