Mine passed away when I was 7 months old. I live in a world full of fathers. I see them and I dream of what it would be like to be their child. But I don’t know, and that not knowing leaves me so confused about how to categorize Hashem in my life.
This is a sacred question that almost feels intrusive to answer. I promise not to oversimplify this and I don’t think I can really get you to know. With that being said, I wonder if the acceptance of not knowing would help you. I wonder if being ok with not getting it and maybe even talking to Hashem about that would help.
I am not in your place so I don’t know and these are just my thoughts but I do hope it helps you in some way.
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