Remember, we don’t daven to the deceased. We pray that the merit of the deceased carry our prayers of that the deceased intervenes on our behalf.
Cemeteries can feel comforting on some days, scary on others and sometimes like nothing at all. This is often because cemeteries are a place where we confront the reality of death and that can bring up a host of feelings. Just know that about yourself and about your children.
More expectations = more disappointments. Let the visit be what it is. Sometimes you will say Tehillim, sometimes words of your own, sometimes nothing.
For children it is often hard to know what to say or do. Educate them on your minhagim but also educate them to use the time to speak if they want and give them privacy.
Some children go completely silent or like to explore the cemetery. This is normal.
The less pressurized the experience is for children, the more likely they are to visit again.
If you visit other graves in the cemetery, let those families know. So often families feel thier loved ones are forgotten, especially if its been a while since the loss. Knowing their loved one is remembered can be the ultimate comfort.
